I got into the show with last year’s celebrity edition, but I’ve been watching the regular lad this year too. While the regular one’s not quite as good, the connection I’ve made between the two is that I’d be a terrible excuse for a traitor. So ‘imma list some ways that the faithfuls could easily root me out if I was hypothetically playing this game. Enjoy.
To start, I’ll say I’m a big board game fan. Yes, in fresher’s week, I’m the major league nerd who avoided all those drinking events and clubbing nights in favour of those sweet socially doable gaming meet ups. I’ve never consumed alcohol in my life, and I’m not going to start doing so to get over my social anxieties. Introverted queen ftw, etc.
✺◟(＾∇＾)◞✺
Anyway, let’s start off with some of my credentials. As in, evidence supporting why I’d be a shite traitor:
– Among Us
Yep, I played this phenomenon a bit back in the day. Not obsessively, but I played it. And one thing I quickly discovered was that I couldn’t do that imposter shiz. At all. It was fun moving between vents and all that, but even when I made a successful kill, I couldn’t hold up any decent verbal argument to support my side. And yeah, I’m the kind of nerd who’s watched experienced players carry their plays successfully on YouTube. Part of the difficulty related to minor speech difficulties (on that subject, I want one of this year’s faithfuls, Jessie, to go far. Go Jessie go). Putting together multiple sentences coherently to make a cohesive argument? Nah bruv. Also, my internet connection was often pretty crap too. Not much of an excuse, I know, but…yeah, a great Imposter I am not. (・―・)
– Secret Hitler
I haven’t played this board game as much, but the same kind of vibe applies. If you’re the secret Hitler, you’ve got to keep yourself hidden. And I just don’t know how to argue. I just talk some shiz and hope things go well. I haven’t got a definitive strategy. Unlike Among Us, where you can usually maintain some level of peace (emphasis on ‘some’) when it comes to the discussion over who’s sus, here it’s just all out carnage with folks shouting at each other. And I don’t like that kind of vibe. It makes me want to put in headphones, curl into a foetal position and leave my body. Anyway. I ain’t got no skin in that game. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
– One Night Werewolf
Not my werewolf game of choice. It’s my younger cousin’s preferred version. And my younger cousin is wrong (sorry not sorry, younger cousin). Essentially, you’ve got a village with peeps playing different roles, and one person’s a werewolf. Maybe two. But these dudes are trying to kill the other guys and not get killed in the process. Other roles are available, but you can look them up if you’re that interested. And I’m guessing you’re not. But yeah, I don’t have any big power plays on this one. I just listen to arguments and see what happens. Also, the whole thing’s over too soon, because it’s just one night. Lame.
(¬_¬)
– Ultimate Werewolf
Now this is where it’s at. This is probably the game I’m best at out of all the games I’ve mentioned. It was introduced to me in early uni days, and it’s a lot of fun, particularly with a big group. I played it with a massive bunch of folks at my friend’s wedding and it was a blast. Even though another friend forgot to add the tanner card when they were shuffling. Goddamnit friend (if you know, you know). Anyway, my strategy for this one isn’t exactly iron clad. As one friend frequently points out when we play this lad: ‘Hey Nancy, you’ve been really quiet this whole time, so you’re sus’, I remind this friend that being quiet is such a big part of my character that it’s basically a substitute for my personality, and it’s not an indication that I’m a werewolf. Nobody ever seems to believe this point, however, and I usually get thrown under the bus. Justice has not been served. “( – ⌓ – )
So, thus ends the evidence. Now here are some imagined examples:
– Focusing too much on eating breakfast
You know the bit where everyone’s entering that room after the night and waiting to see who’s been killed? I’d go through all the motions of saying ‘hi I made it’ and all that. Not too bubbly, mind you. Then again, I don’t think my voice could ever be described as bubbly. Deep, monotone, stammering, unimpressed. Words like that, y’know. But yeah, once the small talk’s out of the way, I’d be ploughing my way through the grub. Probably plonking a hefty piece of pain au chocolat into my gob while the other folks are giving their theories. Then having more pain au chocolat. To the point where other people will be wondering what my thoughts are and I’ll look up momentarily and be like ‘huh’. The editing department would handle moments like these more eloquently, but I would nonetheless look hella sus. I could say I was really hungry from last night’s activities (whatever those activities were), but that excuse maybe wouldn’t hold up for so long. But goshdarnit, I like my breakfast. (๑ᵔ⤙ᵔ๑)
I recall ploughing through two substantial bowls of cereal, two gingerbread men and two…croissants? Pain au chocs?…at a best friend’s sleepover back in primary school. Then again, this best friend always had an amazing selection of cereal + breakfast items. But yeah, back on the topic. And I also made my way through half a box of cheerios one time before my mum noticed in horror and put that box in a high place that my short ass figure couldn’t reach. Uh, that wasn’t back on the topic. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that my love for breaking the fast would probs be my downfall. “૮₍ ˶•⤙•˶ ₎ა
– Not displaying enough dramatic facial expressions
This has been a problem for me at various points. Some have said that my lack of range in the old face department could make me come across as a tad rude or cold. And my body language isn’t all that expressive in most situations. Am I on the autism scale? Maybe. Who knows. But this limited range wouldn’t work well for me in a Traitors scenario if I happened to be a traitor. The camera tends to zoom in on faces that are doing that big dramatic stuff. I don’t think they’d get a lot out of my particular stone face. I’m not saying I’m Buster Keaton or anything, I’m just saying my talent lies in over avenues. So my lack of reaction could really get me up the jacksie when it comes to big moments like the round table. I certainly wouldn’t be in danger of crying when somebody’s banished, but the opposite reaction of just looking ‘meh’ wouldn’t be a great choice either. Yep, the faithfuls would probably pick up on that eventually and shoot me down. Here’s a shooting guy emoji. ╾━╤デ╦︻(•_- )
– Not speaking enough in the round table segment
Speaking of the round table, my lack of verbal reaction could present a dilemma. And I do love a circle situation where everyone’s encouraged to talk, because that kind of scenario makes it really easy for me to get those first speech sounds out of my throat (hint: it doesn’t). I could probably try and argue my case briefly if I was accused, but multiple sentences? Nah. My ultimate werewolf behaviour could provide me with some menial backup (‘Hey I’m always quiet, that doesn’t mean anything), but that could only last so long. Also, the BBC probably wouldn’t cast me in the first place because I’m so damn quiet. So there’s that. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
– Not speaking coherently enough
Remember that bit in last year’s Celebrity traitors where Alan Carr has to get in the phrase ‘parting is such sweet sorrow’ at the dinner in an authentic way and not get any sus vibes from the faithfuls? I’m not sure how well I’d perform in that scenario. It depends on what I’d have to say though, in fairness. Like if I had to fit the quote ‘I’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse’ when bargaining for a particular item of food in the dinner. Then again, saying a quote like that would instantly arouse suspicion from the faithfuls. Maybe saying something like ‘I want my: baby back baby back baby back RIBS’ like Fat Bastard says in Austin Powers could work. But anyway, one stammer stumble and that could arouse suspicion. Then again, the fact that I stammer somewhat frequently already could provide me with a decent guard. Food for thought. (っ˘ڡ˘ς)
– Lack of eye contact
Ah, eye contact. Lovely, lovely eye contact. Hmm. My favourite. You may have got some indication by this point that I’m not a huge fan of eye contact. And you’d be right. I can do it momentarily, sure, but the idea of keeping focused on a faithful/traitor when they’re giving me the j’accuse? Nah, I couldn’t sustain that. Too awkward. And then other folks would start identifying my lack of eye contact as a suspicious issue. Which wouldn’t be fair. On that subject, I’d be intrigued to watch a series called ‘Introverted Traitors’ where everyone’s shit at lying and really socially awkward, so the show would probably drag on for a while (or more likely, end super quickly) and not a lot would happen. That’s never going to get bankrolled, but hey, I can dream. ⋆｡°•☁︎
Yep, I’d much rather be a faithful. And I’d state that fact in that opening segment. Even if Claudia defied my wishes and made me a traitor, which probably wouldn’t end well. Never mind, as least they could replace me with a recruit. (ᵕ—ᴗ—)