No, falling over and making a fool of myself wasn’t enough. I had to go on a spinning machine at the gym and increase my Sonic the Hedgehog speed so fast that I kind of broke the whole thing. Or at least the peddle flew off and the spiky thing left on there did my leg a minor injury.
Anyway, here are some films where people break machines.
The Other Guys (Victim: Computer)
One of my all-time favourite Will Ferrel films, and a stone-cold classic that’s seriously underrated. Anyway, Alan and Terry have been spending a long time on a case of corruption, but are told to stand off and give in any information they’ve collected so far. After doing so, Terry gets frustrated that all their evidence has been taken, and reacts by doing some damage to his work computer, picking up the whole guy and proceeding to smash him onto the floor. The dude is dead.
Alan responds to Terry’s man rage by providing him with an equally crazed speech, mockingly asking him if he’s wearing his ‘big boy pants’ and scaring him into subordination. Compelling stuff.
The Social Network (Victim: Laptop)
I’ve never really got the hype with this David Fincher joint, although I love the soundtrack. I do think Andrew Garfield’s rage scene is pretty genius, though. After finding out he’s been completely shafted out of his Facebook shares, Garfield’s Eduardo Saverin walks up to Mark Zuckerberg in defiance. Justin’s Timberlake’s greasy mo-fo Sean Parker informs him that Zuckerberg is ‘wired in’. Eduardo sardonically acknowledges the fact and then proceeds to give Zuckerberg’s laptop a mighty walloping. Death by a single smash. K.O.
We flash forward to the court case as the figures of the contract are revealed, then back to Eduardo giving Zuckerberg’s douchebag what for. And I’m pretty sure that’s the fist time I’ve heard the phrase ‘lawyer up’. It’s probably been used before, but heck, it packs a punch. Garfield should’ve got more recognition for this role.
In Bruges (Victim: Phone)
I’m sure phones have been smashed to shreds in other films before, but never like this. Never with such aplomb. Anyway, Ralph Fiennes plays gangster supreme Harry Waters. Not a man to be trifled with. So, when Ken informs Harry over the phone that he hasn’t killed Ray as instructed and has let him go free, Harry is not a happy chappy. Instead of considering the situation rationally, he takes that phone and smashes it into the shores of Valhalla. R.I.P. phone. Harry’s wife informs him that the phone is an inanimate object, at which point Ralph Fiennes delivers one of the best, vehement comebacks of his career, informing his wife that she, is in fact, an inanimate object. He eventually apologies for the burn, but no apology can bring back that shattered phone. Sad.
SpongeBob SquarePants – Wet Painters (Victim: Computer)
Ok, it’s an episode of television, not a film. But this is vintage SpongeBob we’re talking about here. Basically, Mr Krabs has made SpongeBob and Patrick paint his room after the Krusty Krab gets damaged. But then they manage to get paint on Mr Krabs’ first dollar. Cue panic and multiple futile attempts to get rid of said paint. Putting the dollar in the washing machine, sawing the dollar, using a high-pressure hose on the dollar, hitting the dollar with a bat. All the standard methods. But then Patrick points out that they have technology, and they walk towards a computer. And Patrick proceeds to smash the ever-loving heck out of the computer and onto the dollar. Still, that paint’s right there. And the computer’s nice and dead.
Blade Runner, Blade Runner 2049 (Victims: Replicants)
I mean, Replicants are machines, no? And a lot of them get killed by a lot of these Blade Runner dudes, correct? Correct. And some of those nasty Blade Runners are themselves replicants. Now that opens up a whole new moral tin of beans. But yeah, many machines are killed. And funnily enough, they’re not too happy about that.
Considering that all the machines meet their bitter end, it’s fair to say that rage wins.
(Also, you may have missed that previous post where my goofy goober self tripped over on the way to work and did myself another silly injury. If you haven’t seen that lad, check it out below.)