Prompted by a couple of experiences I had yesterday (I’ll get onto that in an upcoming post), I thought I’d discuss some of the most notable bald guys and hals on the big screen.
Dr Evil/Mini Me
I rewatched Jerry Maguire recently as part of Cineworld’s 30th anniversary and I really loved it. It also reminded me of the ‘you complete me’ line that Dr Evil says to Mini Me at one point, which must have come from Jerry Maguire. I’m not claiming the whole OG line comes from there, but you know, it’s a famous line from the film.
Anyway, I used to be obsessed with the Austin Powers trilogy, and Dr Evil and Mini Me were a big part of that obsession. The aesthetic of both characters plays on the ‘evil bad guy’ trope you see with other characters in established cinema like Lex Luthor or the bond villain Blofeld stroking a cat which Mike Myers is directly poking fun at. The characters are a powerful comedic duo, and the screenplays are pretty sharp too, albeit very goofy. I appreciate the way the bald trope is parodied here and used for a bit on Bond bashing, so this is high quality.
Gollum
Another great character here in another great series of films. Here, the lack of hair is symbolic for going feral and losing one’s humanity sore the sake of that big bad ring. Tolkien gave the former Hobbit some hair of the ‘lank and sparse’ variety, but Peter Jackson’s version didn’t follow those rules. Gollum’s bald bonce supposedly represents his monstrous transformation. Still a compelling and conflicted figure, though.
Agatha
As soon as I see Samantha Morton in a casting casting list, I know she’s going to be awesome, even in cases when the film doesn’t match her talent. Minority Report still stands as Spielberg’s sci-fi magnum opus, full of brilliant complex character and twists. And it’s a whole lot better than Philip K Dick’s OG text too. As is Blade Runner and Total Recall. But lots of folks don’t agree with that. The Simpsons meme of Principal Skinner questioning his opinion against the overwhelming majority of his students may hover over the heads of some at this point, but not me. Like Skinner, I’m confident that all those students are wrong.
With the bald head in this context, it’s a symbol of almighty intelligence and wisdom. Colin Farrell’s character definitely says something to that effect about the precious when he’s snooping around. Agatha can see the future when other humans can’t, and she’s also the strongest of the precognition trio. When she’s kidnapped, the whole Precrime operation falls apart. And Morton adds to that omniscient aura with minimal dialogue and noise (maybe apart from that monologue followed by the RUUUUN bit). But she’s one of those performers who can channel so much emotion with their face alone. Awesome.
Evey
This is post-revolutionised Evey after she’s passed V’s test. But her hair’s shaved off during her imprisonment and the look becomes a symbol of freedom when she breaks out of confinement. But, like a certain other character coming up, it’s just refreshing and unusual to have a female character with no hair on screen.
Imperator Furiosa
Charlise Theron started off rocking this super cool look in Fury Road. When Stranger Things’ Millie Bobbie Brown was concerned about shaving her head for the role, she was shown a picture of Theron’s character and was convinced to take the role. Anya Taylor Joy also looked awesome showing off a similar look in the prequel. Shaved off to escape danger and change identity, it’s just hella cool. I’d like to do a cosplay of her at some point, I just need to find a realistic, wearable and reasonably priced metal arm that isn’t hella expensive. And that’s difficult. But not impossible.
The Ancient One
Like Morton’s Agatha, this is another one where a character’s lack of head hair is a visual nod to their otherworldly wisdom. This one didn’t work as well for me, though. I love Tilda Swinton, but the screenplay for Doctor Strange wasn’t top quality and the whole thing with casting a white character for the role wasn’t the best idea.
Don Logan
Sexy Beast is a genius work of film without Adam Buxton’s jingle recording of Ben Kingsley’s ‘No no no’ dialogue, but it adds to the enjoyment. As does Kingsley’s turn as the big bad in Jonathan Glazer’s debut. Heck, his debut. That’s something to be proud of. So much originality, so much atmosphere and magnetism. But Kingsley proves that you don’t need a single hair on your head to ooze intimidation and general charisma. Goddamn. Every scene he’s in is just laced with tension. Outstanding.
A lot of good candidates here, but I think Don Logan’s just got the gong. Also, shout out to a couple of my fave TV bald folks, Walter White and President Roslin.