No, it’s not a fair based on that film starring that dude from a while ago, I just went to Oxford’s St Giles Fair yesterday and I wanted to make a half-baked cinematic pun. So…I did.
Courage level: Meh
I wasn’t as ambitious as last year’s venture, gotta be honest. I faced my fears and went on the scariest ride back in 2025. Sure, there was a bit of whiplash from that dude swooping upside down at the scary top with little to no warning, but it was worth it. This year, however? Not so much. That ride from last year wasn’t even there, in fairness, but I had no plans to go on 2026’s big bad. So…it’s description time. Y’know that infamous stunt from Jackass with the porterloo? The one where the dude’s slingshotted in the air and shit literally and metaphorically happens? Well, like that. Not with any of the brown stuff, of course, but a similar slingshot mechanism. Plus it flips around a load going up and down. I’ve tried to be a bit more ambitious with rides over the past few years, but, to quote Bob Fossil quoting OG singers Daryl Hall & John Oates, I can’t go for that.
What matters most, though, is that I went on my regular joint. The big spinny one. Very much not the best description, as that could describe a whole lot of rides, but…you know. I’m certain I looked this one up last year, but, you know, time is of the essence. I zoomed around and had my fun, and that’s what matters.
Vibes: Average
Not terrible. Not amazing. Mid, to use a more modern term. It was terrible, and the whole scene looked nice and pretty in the night. Lots of bright lights and all that. But a bigger crew needs to assemble next year. Preferably with some folks who want to go on the rides as well as those who don’t. It’s all cool if you don’t fancy going on them, but it’s nice to have some buddies to enjoy the chicanery nonetheless.
Food: Acceptable
I went a bit crazier last year, from what I remember. But it’s always important to follow the golden rule, folks. Rides, then food. Never the other way round. Never. Unless you genuinely feel like you want to vomit and ruin the experience for all the other folks. Not cool. Unless it’s some kind of revenge act like Lard Ass in the Stand By Me story, in which case a barforama is sanctioned. Otherwise, no can do.
This year, I had my feathers numbered for just such an occasion. Not in that sense. I just mean I’d consumed a sensible amount for dinner roughly an hour beforehand, and the only food I consumed at the gig itself was a modest donut. My nom-vom streak continues to prevail. It’s all good.
Anyway, that was a pretty good St Giles Fair. The main thing next year is just to get a bigger gang together for the ride.