It’s been a decent while since I’ve watched a children’s film at the cinema. Maybe you’d normally expect huge crowds of noisy, unsettled kids running around all over the place. Probably some loyal parents knowing they’ll be attending an illogical snorefest and will decide to discreetly catch some Zs while their kids enjoy the chaos onscreen. That certainly never happened when my brothers and I watched Pokémon and Digimon movies back in ye olden days at the Vue cinema in Reading*cough*. But this is my local Cineworld we’re talking about here, and I still only counted around 20 people filling a massive theatre. Kids were well behaved, and I didn’t spy any sleeping mamas or papas.
Anyway, onto the film. A shy, singing crocodile is purchased by eccentric magician Hector P. Valenti to try and revitalise his failing career. The croc adopts a scarf at one point and makes fast friends with local boy Josh Primm who has recently moved into the neighbourhood of New York City. His parents take a while to adapt, but ultimately connect with the lonely guy, despite constant complaints from angry neighbour Mr Grumps. If you’re willing to look past any strong Paddington similarities (a far superior film in every way) as well as the ludicrous plot, then Lyle is at best tolerable. The main comedy is delivered by Javier Bardem’s charistmatic showman, and I’m still unable to completely separate the actor from his iconic role as Anton Chigurh in the Coen Brother’s No Country for Old Men. Having finished reading Cormac McCarthy’s masterful novel recently, viewing the opening sequence as Bardem dances merrily through a restaurant kitchen is somewhat unnerving. But you’ll be pleased to know that when he has a conversation with a retail worker in a shop about purchasing an exotic animal, he does not engage the worker in an intimidating conversation about the nature of fate, nor does we weigh the weight of his life with a coin toss. He does appear to take the crocodile without paying though, so that’s not great behaviour either. He also tricks a police officer with handcuffs at one point, although this involves an innocent swapping trick rather than Bardem forcibly breaking them and strangling the police offer with them instead, a la No Country.
No Country comparisons aside, it’s still disorientating to see Scott McNairy playing stable father and teacher Mr Pimm after his role in Narcos, but again, I probably shouldn’t be reading too much into 18-rated films and TV series concerning drugs and violent activities. This is a children’s movie, after all. There’s not much going on in terms of plot, and the family dynamic between the Pimms is woefully undeveloped. As a member of Gen Z, I should probably know who Shawn Mendes, the singing crocodile, is, but I don’t. Sue me. What I do know is that every single musical tune in Lyle gave me a strong inclination to stuff cotton wool in my ears. I’m clearly not the target audience here, and I might have enjoyed Lyle if I was younger, but as it is, the plot and songs aren’t particularly engaging, heartfelt, or creative. I’ve got to give a shout out to Brett Gelman’s performance as Mr Grumps though. If you haven’t seen The Other Guys yet, see it. Whenever his character appears on screen, the only quotes going through my head were ‘ARNIE PULMERS’, ‘ARNIE PULMIES” and ‘SHAVED’. If you haven’t seen the film, then you won’t understand those references, or experience that joy. Aside from Gelman and Bardem, however, Lyle is pretty lacklustre. Pick Paddington instead.