The humble train has played a significant role throughout its cinematic career, whether it’s serving as an allegory for class conflict (Snowpiercer), a vehicle to commit covert genocide (Murder on the Orient Express) or a means of scaring the bejesus out of an audience not accustomed to the moving image during an early Lumiere brothers screening (Arrival of a Train at La Ciotat), where a train is shown making its way across the screen (the authenticity of that anecdote has been questioned, but it’s interesting, so I’m going to mention it anyway).
Bullet Train, however, fits into recent action trends where the claustrophobia of the train is utilised as a playground for violence and mayhem. Although you won’t find hoards of zombies like in Train to Busan, you’ll still find a hell of a lot of violence. Unlike recent action caper The Gray Man (which, with its distinct lack of blood with bar a couple of moments, could have gotten away with an uncontroversial 12A), plenty of that red stuff is drawn as people are stabbed, shot, injected with lethal toxins and generally laid to waste. When zen hitman Ladybird (Brad Pitt) boards a bullet train to retrieve a briefcase, a simple mission goes awry as multiple assassins onboard vie to retrieve the case amid expository flashbacks and witty insults. Apparently not a huge fan of violence despite his profession, Ladybird casually reprimands a corpse about the toxicity of anger as he takes a break from the carnage, and even manages to bide time in a toilet, where he dries his hair with a hand dryer and stares into the toilet. If only an assailant had come in at that moment, dunked his head in the water and demanded to know the location of the money, Ladybird could have done honour to The Dude in all his deadpan glory.
Characters are introduced in line with the stylised aesthetic of recent franchises like John Wick, with each key player’s codenames established alongside their Japanese translations in bright neon. Every character has a motive behind retrieving the briefcase is slowly revealed as the ride progresses, but there’s plenty of offbeat comedy and pop culture references in the meantime. And none bigger (or bluer?) than Thomas the Tank Engine, the big man himself. I kind of thought of Thomas making an appearance at some point, but I still didn’t think it would be possible that he’d get a shoutout within an American film. Well, I was wrong, thanks to the genius banter between assassins Lemon (Brian Tyree Henry) and Tangerine (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), whose angry cockney banter evolves into a surprisingly heartfelt story of family and Thomas the Tank Engine stickers. I’ve never seen Thomas the Tank Engine myself, only Thomas the Dank Engine memes on YouTube, a blend of the famous theme tune with Biggie Smalls (which come highly recommended. Keep your headphone volume low though), but seeing the blue tank used in such a comedic fashion was hilarious nonetheless.
While there are some vague revenge subplots about an injured grandson and a daughter seeking to gain the respect of her father, Bullet Train’s main strengths rely on its largely over-the top performances and creative action sequences. Also, look out for an amusing cameo from Channing Tatum as well as a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it, kind of inconsequential cameo from…well, that might be spoiling it, so I’ll leave you to find him (or equally, just check the internet if you’re feeling lazy). But be sure not to miss out on the breakout star that gets its own introductory titles: ‘Water Bottle’. There are many commendable adversaries on this hellish train journey, but this bad boy is one container that you don’t want to cross.