Brand New Day’s bringing in the big bucks at the box office, but quantity doesn’t necessarily equal quantity. Here’s my ranking of the friendly neighbourhood dude’s best and worst offerings.
And just to clarify, the only big screen Spidey flick that’s still on my watchlist is The Amazing Spiderman 2. Which sounds decidedly not amazing, from what folks say. Anyway, let’s go from worst to best.
The Amazing Spiderman
No offence to Andrew Garfield, the guy’s a compelling actor. At the time this joint came out, however, it just felt all kinds of cynical. Reviving a superhero franchise wasn’t a new phenomenon. Batman’s done it plenty of times, as have Superman and many other well-known comic book heroes. But it was the lazy plot rehash of the first Toby Maguire flick that really burned. We already knew Spidey’s origin story from that one. We don’t need a repeat. Change the disc. They should’ve tried some new comic book material, but going back to the familiar definitely didn’t pay off here. The main villain in Amazing Spiderman one was pretty weak too (the guy’s just an angry lizard), especially compared to the first TM Spidey. Willem Defoe’s got a lot of rizz as it is, and the Green Goblin’s just a more compelling bad guy with the Jekyll and Hyde dynamic.
Spider-Man 3
Tobey’s third Spidey outing definitely suffers from an overload of villains alongside the poorly written screenplay, but you’ve gotta make time for the memes, man. That’s right, the Bully Maguire memes. These memes essentially centre around how much of a douche Peter Parker is throughout the film, whether he’s being rude or just darn cringey. Sure, it’s the Venom suit that’s causing all of that emotional change, but the way the filmmakers chose to manifest that transformation in visual terms was pretty chuckle worthy. Black clothes, goofy dancing and that wild emo fringe. As Bully Maguire says at one point, ‘I’m gonna put some dirt in your eye’. Oof. Ouch. Very ouch. The pain of the 12A insult truly knows no bounds.
Spider-Man Homecoming
Not terrible by any means. I guess I was just getting used to this new Spidey and was kind of tired about the endless amounts of superhero reboots. But Tom Holland does a solid job here as the new Spidey in town. And Michael Keaton makes a solid baddie as The Vulture, too. While he’s more well-known as Batman or perhaps even Birdman, he’ll always be Captain Gene to me. If you haven’t seen The Other Guys, by the way, you need to check it out. That’s one of Keaton’s funniest performances, and let’s be honest, he’s the real superhero here. Working two jobs as a police chief and a manager at Bed, Bath and Beyond to put his kid through NYU so he can explore his sexuality and become a DJ? Admirable behaviour.
Spider-Man Far From Home
Another solid Holland entry. And you’ve gotta feel for the guy on some level. He’s going up against Tom Holland (the author, historian and broadcaster) and Tom Hollander (the actor). It can’t be great to have your name be mentioned and then people go ‘uh which one though’ and such like. Most likely the younger generation who maybe don’t know who those other guys are won’t be saying that, but, you know, it must be frustrating nonetheless. Jake Gyllenhaal’s really fun here as the villain, and it was extra fun watching interviews of him trying to hide the fact that he’s actually the big bad. Still, he saved Tom Holland from revealing spoilers at any interview opportunity, so that’s kind of heroic in itself.
Spiderman Brand New Day
This one was nice and refreshing in the sense that it did something a bit different with the whole superhero idea in an era that’s increasingly congested with superhero fatigue. Nothing revolutionary, necessarily, but there was a decent main villain as well as a solid story arc. And they didn’t capitulate to doing the whole ‘oh I remember who you are now’ thing. Well, mostly. Apart from Ned. It was weird seeing in The Punisher outside his usual 18-rated context, but they just about made that work.
Spiderman No Way Home
The multiverse revelation gave Marvel the perfect excuse to bring old Spidey guys back into the fold, and the result was surprisingly heartfelt and affecting. The villain overload scenario in Spiderman 3 was dealt with a lot more effectively in this one. There are plenty of bad guys, sure, but they’re woven into a more rewarding narrative that builds some decent character development for Tom Holland’s central Spiderman. It’s also pretty funny, too, which I forgot Spider-Man trilogies could be since the TM Spider-Man era. Not that I’m knocking the previous TH films, but the three Spidey guys vibing together provided some good laughs.
Spiderman
Now, onto the good stuff. No, I’m not roasting the previous joints, I’m just saying that the quality’s noticeably higher from this point. Which still sounds like I’m roasting it, but I’m not. A dab of nostalgia might be present, but I remember really enjoying this flick, and I wasn’t aware of Toby Maguire up until this point. Bear in mind that I’m talking about myself like a fully mature film critic here when I was just a small child. But hey, I enjoyed it at the time, and that’s what matters. Willem Defoe blows it out of the park here as the film’s charismatic, conflicted villain. And James Franco’s got a lot of rizz, too. Sure, he’s been cancelled, but apparently he’s returning to the film world soon. Anyway, I can separate the artist from the art here. And Kirsten Dunst is very solid as MJ here too.
Spiderman 2
One of my first experiences where I was blown out of the park by the concept that sequels could eclipse the original. No, I was too young to watch the first two Godfather films at this point (it’s a tough battle, but I think the second’s marginally better. It’s my all-time favourite Robert DeNiro performance, anyway). Doc Oc’s a great villain, and there’s plenty of solid CGI, too. It’s also just really great when you consider how much of a disappointment the third part of the trilogy was. Lots of good performances combined with a compelling story.
Spiderman: Across the Spiderverse
A fantastic follow-up to the OG with similarly outstanding animation, voice-work soundtrack and just pure inspiration. Plus a super compelling villain that isn’t really an outright villain. And loads of interesting and fun character additions like Daniel Kalulya’s Spider Punk. The graphics are just so zany and out there in the greatest of ways. A relatively simple but compelling plot too. And I love how it played with the origin story trope like the previous one. There’s so much going for it. The only reason this didn’t get the top spot was just because I was used to the high-class animation style from the first film. A visual treat that backs itself up with stellar voice work and an eclectic soundscape.
Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse
Just. Wow. One of those moments like in Mitchells and the Machines where I’m initially sceptical and wondering how a new and exciting animation style can ever be created after what’s gone before in terms of amazing existing creative material (hoping to get similar feels when Wildwood hits screens, but I’ll wait and see). But this joint managed that and then some. The multiverse schtick didn’t feel exploitative, but wholly creative. Peter Porker? Dammit, the puns are on point. And voice casting Nick Cage for Spider Noir? Genius. Then creating a separate compelling series based entirely on the character? More genius. And there’s also the brilliant central character of Miles Morales. There’s just brilliance everywhere. Very glad this film exists.