I meant to write these a while ago after a couple of amusing incidents, but I didn’t get round to writing them. So, uh, yeah, that’s the story. Is this a film fight? No, It’s an abridged poetry fight. But it’s a Friday, so…yeah. Roll with it.
So the first one’s inspired by an incident where we were on a nice, civilised walk, but one part of the walk required ascending a fairly high bit of land where I felt like if I took one step I’d be sending myself a one-way ticket to the shores of Valhalla. In reality, this wasn’t nearly that dramatic. I probably would’ve been a bit battered and bruised if I fell, but death? Nah, just a quick trip to Weenie Hut General to bandage me up a bit.
What’s that, you say? I should’ve voiced my concerns in a traditional verbal fashion? Come on now. You know I don’t swing that way. My lips are tighter than Johnny Tightlips, and I wasn’t about to give up my precious stoicism by admitting I was slightly nervous about the whole thing. Nah, if you’d turned around to try and decipher my mild anxiety, all you would’ve witnessed is my standard, slightly blank/constipated facial expression. Anyway, this doozie’s inspired by/abridged from Muse’s Supermassive Black Hole. Enjoy.
Middle-Class Near-Death Fall
Oh blimey, this climb is really bloody steep
Oh blimey, can you hear me cringe
You can’t see inner existential dread
How could you when I’m so darn silent?
Ooh
You don’t see the big height
Ooh
You don’t see the big height
Rock structures falling in the cold dark light
And the larger stone blocked into the hella scary (you don’t see the big height)
Rock structures falling in the cold dark light
And the larger stone blocked in the (you don’t see the big)
(The hella scary)
I thought I could maybe sit this one out
Well then, probs should have voiced that
It would’ve been simpler to ask
But where’s the fun in simple routes?
Ooh
You don’t see the big height
Ooh
You don’t see the big height
Rock structures falling in the cold dark light
And the larger stone blocked into the hella scary (you don’t see the big height)
Rock structures falling in the cold dark light
And the larger stone blocked in the (you don’t see the big)
(Into the hella scary)
Middle-Class Near-Death Fall
Middle-Class Near-Death Fall
Middle-Class Near-Death Fall
Middle-Class Near-Death Fall
Rock structures falling in the cold dark light
And the larger stone blocked in the hella scary
Rock structures falling in the cold dark light
And the larger stone blocked in the hella scary
Rock structures falling in the cold dark light (ooh)
And the larger stone blocked in the hella scary (you don’t see the big height)
Rock structures falling in the cold dark light
And the larger stone blocked in the hella scary (you don’t see the big)
(Into the hella scary)
Middle-Class Near-Death Fall
Middle-Class Near-Death Fall
Middle-Class Near-Death Fall
Middle-Class Near-Death Fall
Heatwave Skull
Ok, one abridged poem down, onto the next one. The next one finding its origins in Soundgarden’s Black Hole Sun. That’s right, another one based around a black hole-themed song. Odd, no? Anyway, I remember watching the music video a fair bit back in my older siblings’ Kerrang days and I always found the video super creepy. That woman with the lizard tongue eating the fly? Crazy, dude. The word ‘trippy’ wasn’t in my vocab back in day, but that’s what the music video was.
And the backstory behind this one’s just that we were in a super hot air bnb up north and my head was hot. Yep, that’s about it. My head is large, for extra context, coming from a lineage of large headed folks. And my particular head also happens to have no hair on it, so uh, you know, heat. But that does have the extra benefit of being able to put a cold cloth on the bonce to cool down a bit. Shout out to my skull. Which also looks hella weird ‘cause the back bit isn’t there due to surgery from years ago. Anyway, fewer skull stories, more abridged poetry.
In the warmth
Inside fire
In the cold
As the flame sires
Hides the space
Lies the lake
In my embrace
Reaching steam
Fiery soul
‘Neath the dark
The whole looks large
Call the same
Through the dream
And I’ll be gone
Green again
Heatwave skull
Why so dull
Burning in the game?
Heatwave head
Why so dull?
Why so dull?
Why so dull?
Bouldering
Hot and huge
Steal the fire air
Calm folk
Winds are high
For large dome
And sometimes
Far too big
For hats
In my bonce
A snoring sloth
And my booth
I pray to sweep
Further go
Far bay
No one moves
Like the encore
[The OG lyrics were pretty darn weird here, k? I’m improvising]
Heatwave skull
Why so dull
Burning in the game?
Heatwave skull
Why so dull?
Why so dull?
Heatwave skull
Why so dull
Burning in the game?
Heatwave head
Why so dull?
Why so dull?
(Heatwave skull
Heatwave skull)
Why so dull?
(Heatwave skull
Heatwave skull
Why so dull?
(Heatwave skull
Heatwave skull)
Why so dull?
(Heatwave skull,
Heatwave skull)
Hang my brow
Drown my ear
‘Til you all just disappear
Heatwave skull
Why so dull
Burning in the game?
Heatwave skull
Why so dull?
Why so dull?
Heatwave skull
Why so dull
Burning in the game?
Heatwave skull
Why so dull?
Why so dull?
(Heatwave skull
Heatwave skull)
Why so dull?
(Heatwave skull
Heatwave skull
Why so dull?
(Heatwave skull
Heatwave skull)
Why so dull?
(Heatwave skull,
Heatwave skull)
Why so dull?
(Heatwave skull,
Heatwave skull)
Why so dull?
(Heatwave skull
Heatwave skull)
Why so dull?
Why so dull?
Why so dull?
Oof, that was a freaky abstract one. Mostly because the OG Soundgarden lyrics were pretty freaky. And repetitive. Don’t blame me. Anyhoo, out of my two abridged creations, I think I slightly prefer the first one. It’s less freaky, after all.