My number one pooch has recently gone to lie with cushions and eat his own harness once more in the great beyond. Having spent his life in over half of mine, it’s only fitting that the bestest boy gets a couple of poems. The first is an abridged version of Bowie’s Space Oddity and the second one is written to the verse of ‘Hit The Road To Dreamtown’, a tune sang by Jane Monheit that features in my favourite film noir of all time, L.A. Confidential. So long, my fine gentleman of foggy Didcot town.
Dog Oddity
Ground Control to Major Col
Ground Control to Major Col
Take your good ice cream and put your harness on
Ground Control to Major Col (ten, nine, eight, seven six)
Commencing countdown, cushions in (five, four, three, two)
Check bisky bones and may Benji’s love be with you (one, lift off)
This is Ground Control to Major Col,
You’ve really bit the lead
And the papers want to know whose bowties you wear
Now it’s time to leave the house if you dare
This is Major Col to Ground Control
I’m trotting through the dog flap
And I’m lying in the most peculiar way
And the birds look very different today
For here
Am I sitting in a green patch
Far above the world
Planet Earth is green
I’m the coolest pooch there’s been
Though I’m past one hundred thousand treats
I’m feeling very calm
And I think my basket knows which way to go
Tell my fam I love them very much they know
Ground Control to Major Col
Your chew’s dead, there’s something wrong
Can you hear me, Major Col?
Can you hear me, Major Col?
Can you hear me, Major Col? Can you-
Here am I grooving in a green patch
Far above the house
Planet Earth is green
I’m the bestest pooch there’s been
🐾
Hit The Road To Dogtown
Bye bye poochy
Gotta hit the road to dogland
You’re my poochy
See you in the land of dogs
Hold tight poochy
You’ll be sprinting up
To Dogland
All night poochy
Where the other poochies walk
Look at that big cushion
You’re gonna get that in the groove
What a poochy
Bye bye poochy
Time to hit the road to dogland
Don’t cry poochy
It was sublime but now
Rex Onions has finally called
Time to hit the road
🐕🦺