A staunch SpongeBob stan who follows the traditional viewpoint that the series lost its mojo when OG creator Stephen Hillenberg made his first departure after the OG movie watches a SB movie that she probably won’t particularly enjoy but is nonetheless intrigued to give it a watch.
That’s right. Goin’ from a high spec Pluribus review to a look at the most recent SpongeBob movie. Outstanding. ( ˶°ㅁ°) !! Even before the film started, they already slotted in some promotional material by advertising a SpongeBob film-related game. Fair enough, I suppose. But at the end of said trailer, there was an appearance from none other than David Hasselhoff. The Hasselhoff. I know what you’re doing, Nickelodeon. Trying to get some cheap nostalgia points by pandering to the OG fans who remember his appearance in the first movie? Disappointing. (•̀⤙•́ )
So, right off the bat, I hate the new SpongeBob animation style. I believe they did the same style with spin off series Kamp Koral, a horrifying creature that messed up the SpongeBob canon and was cynically produced following Hillenberg’s premature death. I get it on some level, the product belongs to Nickelodeon at the end of the day, but I still can’t help but see all of the dollar signs filling executive’s eyes knowing they’d get no pushback by contorting the happy sponge into whatever shapes they desired. I’m a big old nostalgia gal for the original hand drawn stuff, and this new style’s just hollow and babyish. What’s that? SpongeBob was made for babies, you say? Nah, there was so much creative and surreal energy injected by Hillenberg back in the day *nostalgia cloud proceeds to float over author’s head*. My first introduction to Nosferatu at the end of ‘Graveyard Shift’, that weird ass anthropomorphic drop of hot sauce in ‘Karate!’ or that vivid close-up of the horsefly in ‘Wormy’. That stuff was awesome, weird and wonderful. In the best way. A lot of this crazy newfangled tomfoolery of trying to make pop culture references is just weird and off-putting. *proceeds to grab walking stick* Like doing that Ferris Bueller ‘chica chica’ song (no, I can’t be arsed to quickly google the song’s name) when SpongeBob wakes up instead of using some homemade original tunes from the series itself. And turning SpongeBob’s alarm clock into a music speaker as well? Wrong. The borrowed music is lazy, and not particularly funny. I did a decent jolt when I saw the real-life Mr Krabs voice actor (Clancy Brown), at the beginning though and I still can’t fully wrap by bigass head around the fact that he’s also the lead nasty prison guard in The Shawshank Redemption. Perhaps I never will. (ㆆ_ㆆ)
Oh, and some more nitpicking. Gary meows too much in that scene. In previous years *another nostalgia cloud appears* all Gary would need to convey his feelings to SpongeBob were a few simple meows and that’d be it. Not now, apparently. I guess an original song called ‘Big Guy’ plays on the alarm clock/speaker (eughh). Oh, and the Jaws joke isn’t funny. Unamused frown face from yours truly. So the main bit of drama from the off seems to be SpongeBob growing one inch, which now apparently makes him the ‘big boy’ of the song’s title. And the dramatic classical music tune which is played in the X Factor plays too (no, I’m not looking it up). (¬_¬”)
Another thing I’m gonna have to be a major league Squidward about is the lack of originality at certain points, some of which just translates into downright plagiarism from the first movie. Mr Krabs repeatedly demeans SpongeBob as a ‘bubble-blowin’ baby boy’. Take a hike back to the OG film and you’ll probably remember similar language coming from the goons in the Thug Tug, all of whom recite the establishment’s slogan: ‘All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able-bodied patron in the bar’. Beyond the half-assed language copying, the idea of Mr Krab’s character saying this insult to SpongeBob is just…completely out of character. In the first film, Mr Krabs makes Squidward the manager of The Krusty Krab 2 instead of SpongeBob. He puts an arm around SpongeBob after stating he didn’t get the job and lauds his fry cook skills. After shouting down insults from the crowd who are mocking SpongeBob, he states matter of factly and without scorn, that he’s ‘just a kid’. The Mr Krabs in this film, however, is just a bit of a jerk. And sure, Hillenberg played up to that persona in previous episodes, but not to the extent of nastiness. Likewise with Patrick, once Hillenberg departed from the series, his character started becoming needlessly mean as well as dumb (see: ‘I’m With Stupid). And not to any great comic effect, either. Even SpongeBob’s character’s all out of shape. He spends most of the movie being scared and anxious, and that’s just not the sponge I know. Oof. (｡•́︿•̀｡)
The voice acting seems off for a few characters too. Mark Hamill takes over voice acting duties from Brian Murray, which is fine. Hamill’s already proved his credibility in that field with iconic roles like The Joker, but I still found it a bit odd. Mr Krab’s vocal cords felt a bit off from time to time too. But SpongeBob and Patrick are on fine form as usual, I can’t deny that. There’s just so much riffing on the OG movie that it gets kind of embarrassing. (っ- ‸ – ς) Squidward and Mr Krabs use a vehicle called the Patty Blaster to get to the underworld. Hello? The Patty Wagon SpongeBob and Patrick use from the OG movie, anyone? It also doesn’t feel like correct SpongeBob canon for the sponge not to recognise The Flying Dutchman after multiple episodes with him in the TV series. C’mon guys. You’ve got to keep the chronology intact somehow. Even if you royally screwed it up in Kamp Koral. Also, I very much didn’t appreciate reading the Rotten Tomatoes consensus (82% certified fresh my arse) when it said that the joint had ‘a sweet message embedded in its goofy goober-ness’. HOW DARE YOU REFERENCE THE OG MOVIE AND TRY TO SHOVE IT INTO YOUR CRAPPY CONSENSUS? THE OG MOVIE IS ROLLING IN ITS GRAVE AS YOU TAKE YOUR CHEAP COPY FROM ITS GENIUS CREATIVE BONES- ᕙ( ᗒᗣᗕ )ᕗ
*The author was pulled away from her chair at this point and reminded that she’s just reviewing a movie primarily aimed at children, and that this current film probably isn’t going to live up to her experience of watching the original movie back in primary school since she’s now a hell of a lot older. Well, old enough to maybe not be critiquing this movie so harshly*
Pfft, what a load of barnacles, these head honchos telling me what to think. Anyway, on with the criticism. The phrase ‘bubble-blowin’ bubble boy’ gets rammed through the dialogue so much that it’s impossible not to think of how weak this line is, and what an artificial copy it is from the original message of the original film. In the OG, SpongeBob’s on an odyssey to save Mr Krabs despite being rejected from the promotion, cheered on by Princess Mindy (Scarlett Johansson’s finest role to date alongside Under The Skin; the more you know, eh?) in the particularly iconic ‘Now That We’re Men’ musical sequence. SpongeBob’s on this journey out of the goodness of his spongy heart. With this flick, it’s Squidward and Mr Krabs going to save SpongeBob because of his misguided obsession with becoming a ‘big boy’ based on Krab’s taunt. The real SpongeBob wouldn’t give a damn about Krab’s mockery, nor would he be so full of hubris about getting one inch taller. These characters are just all out of joint. (≖_≖ )
There are more moments that are literally stolen from the OG. I’m not a fan of overusing ‘literally’, you know that, but it is what is. That moment where Patrick falls down with his underwear around his legs? Taken from the OG. That moment where SpongeBob plays guitar? Way too evocative of the denouement in the OG. Do something original, guys! Stop playing with the OG nostalgia. Heck, even seeing ‘The SpongeBob Movie’ prefaced before ‘Search For SquarePants’ seems like nostalgia baiting. This film’s just not the SpongeBob spirit. Pretty weeny. (⇀‸↼‶)