Ok, so I’ve three-star ranked every available mode. There’s no discernible plot, but I’m counting that as finishing the main game. So I shall now give my two cents (coins?) about the latest Mario Kart joint. Enjoy.
Just to clarify, the last major Mario Kart console game I bought was Mario Kart Wii (well, I probably didn’t buy it, my parents most likely did. ‘Cause I was a small primary school gal, k?). While I’ve played Mario Kart 8 Deluxe about four or five times, the Wii version is my dojo. My terrain. My Bible, if you will (am I religious? No. But that’s not relevant to this post. Moving on). And since the rosy days of 2008 when the Wii edition was released, things have changed. The world I grew up in has gone, to paraphrase that Simpsons character. In some respects, MK things have changed for the good, but in others, not so much. Let’s start off with the bad stuff.
Diddy Kong, denied!
‘Look how they massacred my boy…’ – Donkey Kong
Ok, not Donkey Kong, that’s Don Vito Corleone. But the fact remains that Mario Kart World did Diddy Kong dirty by erasing him from the character roster. And it seems like a pretty bizarre choice to erase him when there are so many other characters here already. Like minor league characters that could easily have been replaced in Diddy Kong’s stead. Like that bigass Koopa (well, he’s actually called Chargin’ Chuck, and no I’m not body shaming him. I’m just calling it like it is)? Nobody cares about him. Oh, and the main reason I’m offended by Diddy Kong’s exclusion is because he was my main back in the Mario Kart Wii days. He needs to return, and he needs to return soon. Maybe he’ll come back in some upcoming DLC. But arguably I don’t want there to be any paid DLC, because the game was expensive enough on its own. But DLC wouldn’t be DLC unless you had to pay for it. Maybe Nintendo will be charitable and just make us pay a pound or two (Nintendo? Charitable? Hah! Don’t make me laugh).
Inward Drift, denied!
Really? Why? Inward drift was lit. I mean, literally lit as you saw that blue/orange flame light up the bottom of your kart/bike (health and safety, turn your head away). Inward drift let you go super fast as you turned those corners as tightly as possible and shaved off that all-important millisecond to beat your time trial records. But now? Just the bog standard outward drift. It’s fine, but it looks so clumsy and goofy compared to that cool inward stuff and it’s just more awkward to control. I genuinely don’t understand the rationale in getting rid of a great mechanic. Oof.
Falling off the course, denied!
I mean, technically there’s a setting which you can change so you can fall off in exchange for an extra purple boost when you’re doing that lame outward gliding, but it’s the principle, man. Where’s the fun? Where’s the jeopardy? There are still certain points where you can technically fall off on certain courses, but it’s not good enough. I want the thrill of yeeting someone down the dark abyss of Wario’s Gold Mine just as they think they’re about to get the podium finish. But now it feels like they’re just babying you by not letting you go off track. Disappointing. Sure, I’ve come to terms with the introduction of the super horn. Kind of (more on that in an earlier article post at the bottom). But this restriction takes away some of that sweet chef’s kiss chaos that’s essential to the true Mario Kart experience.
Okay, those are my main gripes over with. Onto some positive points.
COW!
Nintendo may have committed a cardinal sin by removing Diddy Kong, but they’ve at least made a smart choice by introducing this gal. And what a fine gal she is. Moo Moo Meadows was a good ol’ track from the Wii era with plenty of cows to get in your way as you drove around the course. But never in my wildest dreams did I believe you’d actually be able to play as one of these gals. It’s a slight shame that you still crash into other cows when you play as Cow on the Mario Kart World version of the course (part of me hoped that there’d be some cow comradeship that wouldn’t allow you to get hit, but hey, that might be a bit unfair to other non-Cow players), but hey, I’ll let it go. And there are some other cool characters too, like Dolphin (yes, you can play as Dolphin on the dolphin dasher for a bit of dolphinception). So at least Nintendo have made good character selection choices here and there.
Off track!
So Free Mode is a new thing. That open world gameplay has definitely brought a fresh dynamic into the game with some extra exploring elements and some new collectibles as well as missions too. Nice.
Knockout Tour!
Ah, knockout tour. Good old knockout tour. Many a blood cell has come to its end and passed onto the shores of Valhalla in my quest to get three star ranks on all of these rallies (pro tip: don’t drift. For some reason the AI reacts and stops drifting too, allowing you to get the edge if you use your items sensibly. But if you get blue shelled, well, you can’t do much about that. Although I guess you can rewind?). So there are six courses to get through, but you’ve got to be first going through each gate if you want to get that top rank. And boy, the number of times another character slipped in front of me at the last minute and I was compelled to rage quit. Good god. But I’m not complaining. I appreciate the level of difficulty that Knockout Tour has brought to the MK game. ‘Cause you’re not having fun unless you get red shelled when you’re right on the edge of a gate and a few characters get past you and mess up that tasty tasty three-star rank. Suffering is good for the soul, as Cara Thrace’s mother said in the remake of Battlestar Galactica. Yep. That’s a deep cut right there.
Want to hear more about my thoughts on the super horn and the blue shell? Then check out this article I wrote a while back: