Some choose to spend their money on alcoholic beverages. Some choose to spend it on substances of a recreational nature. Others just want to watch the world burn. And a special few prefer to spend their loot on that extortionately priced fair ride that goes round on a 360-degree angle super fast.
Yep, that’s my description of it. It was called Insania at my local street fair, but…anyway. It’s a great way to burn through your hard-earned cash.
Weather
Rain. Lots and lots and lots of rain. Wonderful. This is England, after all. Not that surprising. But still. Coming back from work and taking refuge in Waterstones was not fun. It could’ve been fun, except other people had the same idea and things got crowded. The rain was absolutely chucking it down, but luckily it eased off a bit. It was still raining a bit for the rest of the event, but hey, it could’ve been heavier. Not bad.
Insania Ride
I only found out this ride is technically called a Miami Trip when I researched it recently, but this one is my absolute fave. It was my go-to ride when my local street fair still bothered to show up every year (it took a ‘break’ during Covid times but never came back. Woe is me etc), and it’s crazy. I went on this bad boy at St Giles not once, not twice, but thrice. Yes, it was too expensive, but this is once in a year event, so it’s alright. I was also amused to see the ‘health and safety’ sign attached to the queue gate. First off, it let you know that the ride will only be stopping in an emergency, and then read, word for word: ‘Crying or screaming is NOT an emergency’. Ok sign. Chill. You’ve got a business to run and that’s fair. But you don’t need to be an a-hole about it. You could word that in more of a civil tone, surely?
Then it listed some specifications about how you couldn’t go on the ride if you met certain criteria. The first one was: ‘Under the influence of drugs or alcohol’. Realistically, are the carny folk going to bother checking? Will they have a medical professional be there to double check? No. They’re not going to waste money on that kind of shiz. And not that I partake in either of these recreational substances, but I’m sure you’d have an extra fun time if you were buzzed up on this stuff anyway.
Moving on to the next questionable ‘health and safety’ rule, rule number 4. Don’t go on the ride if you’re ‘Mentally and physically impaired’. Wow. There’s a lot to unpack with this one. What’s their definition of ‘mentally impaired’ in this case? If they’re able to give consent to go on the ride? Could you go into more detail about that bit, sign? No, you clearly can’t, because you don’t. Also, that syntax. Yikes. You can’t get on if you’re mentally AND physically impaired? Let’s think this one through with a willing test subject. Yours truly. So, the back of my skull isn’t there due an operation I had related to a brain tumour back in late primary school.
That probably constitutes me being physically impaired to some extent. But I didn’t receive any substantial mental damage from the chemotherapy, radiotherapy and operations I had during the treatment. So, according to the sign’s logic, I’m a-ok to go on the ride because I’m only physically impaired. Replacing this nonsensical ‘and’ with an ‘and/or’ would make a hell of a lot more sense. And it doesn’t matter anyway, because the staff didn’t seem particularly concerned about my weird-ass back skull-missing head in the first place, since they let me pop on the ride three whole times. I did bang it a couple of times against the seat thingy when the ride was zooming particularly fast. And I probably ended up bruising my ribs on the third go because the ride started going even faster than the first two and I was getting banged around the seat a bit. And this session went on longer for some reason. Plus it stopped midair a few times on this go too. It was particularly fun, but yeah, ‘dem ribs are gonna get some bruises on ‘em. But hey now, I’m all good. Yeah. Bizarre.
The last rule on the sign said that ‘bags must be removed before riding. I had my handbag with me the first two times I went on, and they didn’t do anything about it. Okay, they told to me to tuck it in a bit on the second go, but that was it. Nothing more was said. Crazy.
Being a wimp
Apparently the St Giles street fair is one of, if not the longest street fairs in the UK. That makes sense, since it went on for a while, and there were some absolutely insane rides on display. Y’know, like ones which you might see in a theme park. I tried amping myself to go on some of these, but I ultimately didn’t have the cojones. At the end of the day, I was only at the fair with one bestie, so maybe if there was a larger group I might’ve gone for it. But as it is, I wimped out of trying those big ones and settled for triple go on the Insania ride. Also, making excuses, if I’d gone on the large rides and my weird-ass back skull-missing head whipped back in fear/surprise, then I could’ve got a concussion followed by a first-class trip to Weenie Hut General (if you know that SpongeBob reference, then you know. If you don’t, then you, uh, don’t).
Supplies
After all that fun, it’s time for the food. The good stuff. Always safer to have the food after the rides. ‘Cause doing things in the other direction leads to a dangerous slope. A slope that does involve food, but in a bad way. You know what I’m talkin about. So. Safer to go the other way. This way involved a gourmet hot dog and a mini waffle. Nice standard unhealthy street fair food. And that’s the way it should be. What fun would there be if those stalls were selling heart healthy, nutritious food, eh?