Cineworld Action Season Part 1: Predator, Speed, The Rock

Yep, what it says on the tin. I’d seen Speed a couple of times outside of the cinema, but I’d never seen the other two before. Read on.

So I’m the kind of person who, when watching a film, feels the need to make mildly irritating comments like: ‘Hey, it’s [insert actor name] from [insert film/TV series]!’ I mean, not in as extroverted a tone as that, but you know. I like to flex my cine knowledge a bit, however frustrating that might be. So I’ll get that shiz out of the way at the beginning of each review.

Predator

‘Hey! It’s the nasty boss dude from that black market episode of Battlestar Galactica (the reimagined series)!’ (Bill Duke, Battlestar Galactica Season 2, Episode 14, ‘Black Market’)

Wow, that opening scene. It’s got the whole works. Lots of guys, lots of helicopters, lots of cigars, lots of homoerotic imagery of ripped guys in vests with big guns. There’s a sexist joke, and there’s even a homophobic jibe in there for good measure. Nice. JUST GUYS BEING DUDES, as that meme man says. Start as you mean to go on. Yep, it’s that hyper macho masculinity that’s pretty prominent in the 80s action flick.

There’s little to no context for the mission itself, and we don’t really get why Arnie’s employed and what his motivation is. Not in the interesting silent hero, Man With No Name kind of way, just a bit dumb. I guess I could praise the diversity in the cast, as it features a diverse range of non-Caucasian actors, but a lot of these guys have non-speaking parts and get shot by Arnie’s team for undisclosed reasons. I checked Wikipedia and apparently Arnie’s playing a Vietnam Vet, but I didn’t get any of that vibe. 

But there’s plenty of space for lazy stereotypes, like the ‘mystic Indian’ figure and the damsel in distress. I guess I can give praise for not really showing the monster itself until the final act, because withholding the villain can be a powerful affective technique, like in Nosferatu. I’m not comparing this somewhat underwhelming film to a revered darling of German Expressionist cinema, mind you, I’m just saying that the less is more technique can be effective. An enjoyably silly film, but not so great on the whole.

Speed (Rewatch)

‘Hey! It’s Cameron from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off!’ He (Alan Ruck) plays a bit of a douche in this film, but hey, at least he’s not as much of a douche as…

‘Hey! It’s the “Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion” woman from Donnie Darko!’ She provided some strong Karen energy in that film, and she’s similarly annoying in this film too. Props to Beth Grant for playing two very annoying characters.

It’s great to finally see Speed (or, as Homer Simpson christens it, The Bus That Couldn’t Slow Down) at the cinema instead of the small screen. It was also great to watch this, go home and then rewatch ‘Speed 3’, the genius Father Ted parody. I’m still not sure about how great an actor Keanu Reeves is, but he’s good at what he does, and he’s got that rizz, so it’s cool. The basic concept of the film – drive that bus under 50 miles an hour and you’re a goner – is undeniably goofy, but it makes for some fun scenes, particularly that bit where they apparently manage to make it over that unfinished bit of freeway. Dennis Hopper is having a great time as an OTT villain with an axe (bomb?) to grind, and it’s near impossible not to think of that film without ‘Pop Quiz, hotshot!’ blasting into my head. Sure, Jeff Daniels says the line first, but Hopper makes it iconic. Genius popcorn fare that’s fully worthy of repeat viewings.

The Rock

‘Hey! It’s Tuco Salamanca from Breaking Bad!’ Nice to see the dude (Raymond Cruz) getting started in a mini bad guy role before graduating to the big leagues in HBO’s masterful prestige series.

‘Hey! It’s the dude from Minority Report (Steve Harris) who has Tom Cruise’s back when he’s framed from murder!’ You know, the guy who sits at the desk and assists him when he’s looking through footage with some crazy future tech. Nice.

‘Hey! It’s the evil doctor guy from Twelve Monkeys!’ He wasn’t nice in that film (trying to eliminate the human race isn’t a particularly nice thing tbh), and he’s not so nice in this one either.

‘Hey! It’s Dr Cox from Scrubs!’ Admittedly, I’ve seen this guy in a few other things like Point Break, but I’ll never be able to see him outside his comedic role in that TV series.

(Phew, that was a lot of people I recognised right there. Anyway, onwards)

I went into this one with an open mind, having done little to no research on it. Which was probably good, because I likely wouldn’t have seen it after realising it’s directed by Michael Bay, who I definitely have a bit of bias against. Bayhem seems to be a recognised term in the cinematic lexicon, so maybe I can say that I have a Bayas, and perhaps that term might make its way into the film world lingo. Probably not. Moving on. While I was mostly expecting the whole film to be based around a couple of guys breaking into a prison, a lot of unnecessary plot stuff happens in between.

I’d also forgot that Nicolas Cage features in this one, and it’s no surprise that he exudes typical Cage energy (Cagergy? Gosling has Kenergy, so maybe Cage can have Cagergy sometimes. Who knows?), ranging from waxing lyrical about his love of The Beatles to playing a guitar half naked while jovially discussing defeating terrorists to his girlfriend. Odd behaviour by the standards of most actors, but pretty standard for Cage, who is not most actors. As for Sean Connery, his first appearance looked like a gangster version of Billy Connelly, but he looks alright once his locks are shaved by a grossly stereotyped gay hairdresser. So that’s fine.

The car chase scene epitomises what I despise about Bay’s work with all the frequent cuts and dumb unnecessary quick close-ups, but it mostly just gave me flashbacks to watching a particularly shite episode of Inspector Morse with my parents when they had forgot how shite that series was and were trying to convince me otherwise. Basically, there’s a mild-mannered scene between Morse and another person as they’re drinking tea, and as they’re conversing, the camera decides to do an extreme close up on the cup of tea. Dude, I’m no master cinematographer or anything, but don’t do silly unnecessary shit like that. Yikes. The dialogue leaves a lot to be desired and the moral message is pretty dubious, not to mention the excessive use of explosions and loud noises. Like Anchorman’s Brick Tamland, I’m not a fan of loud noises. Or at least not when there’s no reason to justify their presence in the wider narrative. It’s an action film, and there’s room for suspending belief, but the editing needs work. A lot of work. Cage is funny though, so if you’re a Cage fan, it’s worth a watch. Otherwise, maybe not so much.