I got into the show with last year\u2019s celebrity edition, but I\u2019ve been watching the regular lad this year too. While the regular one\u2019s not quite as good, the connection I\u2019ve made between the two is that I\u2019d be a terrible excuse for a traitor. So \u2018imma list some ways that the faithfuls could easily root me out if I was hypothetically playing this game. Enjoy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
To start, I\u2019ll say I\u2019m a big board game fan. Yes, in fresher\u2019s week, I\u2019m the major league nerd who avoided all those drinking events and clubbing nights in favour of those sweet socially doable gaming meet ups. I\u2019ve never consumed alcohol in my life, and I\u2019m not going to start doing so to get over my social anxieties. Introverted queen ftw, etc.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00a0\u273a\u25df(\uff3e\u2207\uff3e)\u25de\u273a<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Anyway, let\u2019s start off with some of my credentials. As in, evidence supporting why I\u2019d be a shite traitor:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
– Among Us<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yep, I played this phenomenon a bit back in the day. Not obsessively, but I played it. And one thing I quickly discovered was that I couldn\u2019t do that imposter shiz. At all. It was fun moving between vents and all that, but even when I made a successful kill, I couldn\u2019t hold up any decent verbal argument to support my side. And yeah, I\u2019m the kind of nerd who\u2019s watched experienced players carry their plays successfully on YouTube. Part of the difficulty related to minor speech difficulties (on that subject, I want one of this year\u2019s faithfuls, Jessie, to go far. Go Jessie go). Putting together multiple sentences coherently to make a cohesive argument? Nah bruv. Also, my internet connection was often pretty crap too. Not much of an excuse, I know, but\u2026yeah, a great Imposter I am not. (\u30fb\u2015\u30fb)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
– Secret Hitler<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I haven\u2019t played this board game as much, but the same kind of vibe applies. If you\u2019re the secret Hitler, you\u2019ve got to keep yourself hidden. And I just don\u2019t know how to argue. I just talk some shiz and hope things go well. I haven\u2019t got a definitive strategy. Unlike Among Us, where you can usually maintain some level of peace (emphasis on \u2018some\u2019) when it comes to the discussion over who\u2019s sus, here it\u2019s just all out carnage with folks shouting at each other. And I don\u2019t like that kind of vibe. It makes me want to put in headphones, curl into a foetal position and leave my body. Anyway. I ain\u2019t got no skin in that game. \u00af\\_(\u30c4)_\/\u00af<\/p>\n\n\n\n
– One Night Werewolf<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not my werewolf game of choice. It\u2019s my younger cousin\u2019s preferred version. And my younger cousin is wrong (sorry not sorry, younger cousin). Essentially, you\u2019ve got a village with peeps playing different roles, and one person\u2019s a werewolf. Maybe two. But these dudes are trying to kill the other guys and not get killed in the process. Other roles are available, but you can look them up if you\u2019re that interested. And I\u2019m guessing you\u2019re not. But yeah, I don\u2019t have any big power plays on this one. I just listen to arguments and see what happens. Also, the whole thing\u2019s over too soon, because it\u2019s just one night. Lame.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
(\u00ac_\u00ac)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
– Ultimate Werewolf<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now this is where it\u2019s at. This is probably the game I\u2019m best at out of all the games I\u2019ve mentioned. It was introduced to me in early uni days, and it\u2019s a lot of fun, particularly with a big group. I played it with a massive bunch of folks at my friend\u2019s wedding and it was a blast. Even though another friend forgot to add the tanner card when they were shuffling. Goddamnit friend (if you know, you know). Anyway, my strategy for this one isn\u2019t exactly iron clad. As one friend frequently points out when we play this lad: \u2018Hey Nancy, you\u2019ve been really quiet this whole time, so you\u2019re sus\u2019, I remind this friend that being quiet is such a big part of my character that it\u2019s basically a substitute for my personality, and it\u2019s not an indication that I\u2019m a werewolf. Nobody ever seems to believe this point, however, and I usually get thrown under the bus. Justice has not been served. “( \u2013 \u2313 \u2013 )<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, thus ends the evidence. Now here are some imagined examples:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
– Focusing too much on eating breakfast<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You know the bit where everyone\u2019s entering that room after the night and waiting to see who\u2019s been killed? I\u2019d go through all the motions of saying \u2018hi I made it\u2019 and all that. Not too bubbly, mind you. Then again, I don\u2019t think my voice could ever be described as bubbly. Deep, monotone, stammering, unimpressed. Words like that, y\u2019know. But yeah, once the small talk\u2019s out of the way, I\u2019d be ploughing my way through the grub. Probably plonking a hefty piece of pain au chocolat into my gob while the other folks are giving their theories. Then having more pain au chocolat. To the point where other people will be wondering what my thoughts are and I\u2019ll look up momentarily and be like \u2018huh\u2019. The editing department would handle moments like these more eloquently, but I would nonetheless look hella sus. I could say I was really hungry from last night\u2019s activities (whatever those activities were), but that excuse maybe wouldn\u2019t hold up for so long. But goshdarnit, I like my breakfast. (\u0e51\u1d54\u2919\u1d54\u0e51)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I recall ploughing through two substantial bowls of cereal, two gingerbread men and two\u2026croissants? Pain au chocs?…at a best friend\u2019s sleepover back in primary school. Then again, this best friend always had an amazing selection of cereal + breakfast items. But yeah, back on the topic. And I also made my way through half a box of cheerios one time before my mum noticed in horror and put that box in a high place that my short ass figure couldn\u2019t reach. Uh, that wasn\u2019t back on the topic. Anyway, what I\u2019m trying to say is that my love for breaking the fast would probs be my downfall. “\u0aee\u208d \u02f6\u2022\u2919\u2022\u02f6 \u208e\u10d0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
– Not displaying enough dramatic facial expressions<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This has been a problem for me at various points. Some have said that my lack of range in the old face department could make me come across as a tad rude or cold. And my body language isn\u2019t all that expressive in most situations. Am I on the autism scale? Maybe. Who knows. But this limited range wouldn\u2019t work well for me in a Traitors scenario if I happened to be a traitor. The camera tends to zoom in on faces that are doing that big dramatic stuff. I don\u2019t think they\u2019d get a lot out of my particular stone face. I\u2019m not saying I\u2019m Buster Keaton or anything, I\u2019m just saying my talent lies in over avenues. So my lack of reaction could really get me up the jacksie when it comes to big moments like the round table. I certainly wouldn\u2019t be in danger of crying when somebody\u2019s banished, but the opposite reaction of just looking \u2018meh\u2019 wouldn\u2019t be a great choice either. Yep, the faithfuls would probably pick up on that eventually and shoot me down. Here\u2019s a shooting guy emoji. \u257e\u2501\u2564\u30c7\u2566\ufe3b(\u2022_- )<\/p>\n\n\n\n
– Not speaking enough in the round table segment<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Speaking of the round table, my lack of verbal reaction could present a dilemma. And I do love a circle situation where everyone\u2019s encouraged to talk, because that kind of scenario makes it really easy for me to get those first speech sounds out of my throat (hint: it doesn\u2019t). I could probably try and argue my case briefly if I was accused, but multiple sentences? Nah. My ultimate werewolf behaviour could provide me with some menial backup (\u2018Hey I\u2019m always quiet, that doesn\u2019t mean anything), but that could only last so long. Also, the BBC probably wouldn\u2019t cast me in the first place because I\u2019m so damn quiet. So there\u2019s that. ( \u0361\u00b0 \u035c\u0296 \u0361\u00b0)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
– Not speaking coherently enough<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Remember that bit in last year\u2019s Celebrity traitors where Alan Carr has to get in the phrase \u2018parting is such sweet sorrow\u2019 at the dinner in an authentic way and not get any sus vibes from the faithfuls? I\u2019m not sure how well I\u2019d perform in that scenario. It depends on what I\u2019d have to say though, in fairness. Like if I had to fit the quote \u2018I\u2019ll make you an offer you can\u2019t refuse\u2019 when bargaining for a particular item of food in the dinner. Then again, saying a quote like that would instantly arouse suspicion from the faithfuls. Maybe saying something like \u2018I want my: baby back baby back baby back RIBS\u2019 like Fat Bastard says in Austin Powers could work. But anyway, one stammer stumble and that could arouse suspicion. Then again, the fact that I stammer somewhat frequently already could provide me with a decent guard. Food for thought. (\u3063\u02d8\u06a1\u02d8\u03c2)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
– Lack of eye contact<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ah, eye contact. Lovely, lovely eye contact. Hmm. My favourite. You may have got some indication by this point that I\u2019m not a huge fan of eye contact. And you\u2019d be right. I can do it momentarily, sure, but the idea of keeping focused on a faithful\/traitor when they\u2019re giving me the j\u2019accuse? Nah, I couldn\u2019t sustain that. Too awkward. And then other folks would start identifying my lack of eye contact as a suspicious issue. Which wouldn\u2019t be fair. On that subject, I\u2019d be intrigued to watch a series called \u2018Introverted Traitors\u2019 where everyone\u2019s shit at lying and really socially awkward, so the show would probably drag on for a while (or more likely, end super quickly) and not a lot would happen. That\u2019s never going to get bankrolled, but hey, I can dream. \u22c6\uff61\u00b0\u2022\u2601\ufe0e<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yep, I\u2019d much rather be a faithful. And I\u2019d state that fact in that opening segment. Even if Claudia defied my wishes and made me a traitor, which probably wouldn\u2019t end well. Never mind, as least they could replace me with a recruit. (\u1d55\u2014\u1d17\u2014)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I got into the show with last year\u2019s celebrity edition, but I\u2019ve been watching the regular lad this year too. While the regular one\u2019s not quite as good, the connection I\u2019ve made between the two is that I\u2019d be a terrible excuse for a traitor. So \u2018imma list some ways that the faithfuls could easily … <\/p>\n